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What to Do When Someone Makes a Terrible Meal
Transcript: What To Do When Someone Makes You a Terrible Meal at a Dinner Party
- Take the pain, smile, clean your plate
- Wait for the hosts to get drunk
- Go “to the powder room” but really sneak upstairs & guzzle the Mylanta from under their sink
- Be passive aggressive with them about dinner parties for the rest of your life
- Exclaim “Bless Your Heart for this Meal!”
- Politely, firmly demand they go write down the recipe for you immediately
- While they’re gone, dump the food into the nearest toilet or umbrella stand
- The second you exit their house, text all neighbors to warn about their cooking
East Coast Etiquette
- Order pizza and wings as soon as you walk in and smell that hot mess
- When the doorbell rings, tell the hosts “You know we can’t eat that. I’ve got this.”
- Answer their door, drop the food on the table & ask if they can grab the hot sauce
- Tease them about this every few weeks, for at least a couple decades
West Coast Etiquette
- If dining outside, yell the 4-letter word “RAIN” & toss the food over the deck as everyone runs inside.
- If inside, shake the table & say “Let’s go outside in case there’s an earthquake!” Ensure you’re last in line & scrape your food on other’s plates before you exit.
- Next time, pop an edible before so you can better tolerate their awful food & you don’t have to fake another weather emergency.