Transcript: What To Do When Someone Makes You a Terrible Meal at a Dinner Party

Midwest Etiquette

1. Take the pain, smile, clean your plate
2. Wait for the hosts to get drunk
3. Go “to the powder room” but really sneak upstairs & guzzle the Mylanta from under their sink
4. Be passive aggressive with them about dinner parties for the rest of your life

Southern Etiquette

1. Exclaim “Bless Your Heart for this Meal!”
2. Politely, firmly demand they go write down the recipe for you immediately
3. While they’re gone, dump the food into the nearest toilet or umbrella stand
4. The second you exit their house, text all neighbors to warn about their cooking

East Coast Etiquette

1. Order pizza and wings as soon as you walk in and smell that hot mess
2. When the doorbell rings, tell the hosts “You know we can’t eat that. I’ve got this.”
3. Answer their door, drop the food on the table & ask if they can grab the hot sauce
4. Tease them about this every few weeks, for at least a couple decades

West Coast Etiquette

1. If dining outside, yell the 4-letter word “RAIN” & toss the food over the deck as everyone runs inside.
2. If inside, shake the table & say “Let’s go outside in case there’s an earthquake!” Ensure you’re last in line & scrape your food on other’s plates before you exit.
3. Next time, pop an edible before so you can better tolerate their awful food & you don’t have to fake another weather emergency.

What to Really Do When Someone’s Food is Bad at a Dinner Party:

1. Send them Pinch organic spices to instantly improve their cooking!
2. Shop spice bundles and gourmet spice gifts here.